I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
