NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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