if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
