Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
