No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
