I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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