I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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