Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
