He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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