so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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