She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
