You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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