Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
