Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
40s are totally the cure
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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