Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
