Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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