This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
