I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
