If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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