i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
