Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
