Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
