Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
