a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
