do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
