if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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