She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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