someone get that fucking seahorse.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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