Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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