i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
