All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
