wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
