I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
