ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
