he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
