i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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