so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
