You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
