I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
