In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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