Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
