"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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