Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im holly from the hills drunk
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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