..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How external is "for external use only"?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
