I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to calm my uterus...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
