I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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