I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
