I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
