How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I want to have your abortion
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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