Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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